


for science! (and coffee)

by primitivemorals



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: BAMF Spencer Reid, Comic Book Science, Crack Treated Seriously, For Science!, Gen, Mad Science, Mad Scientist Spencer Reid, Nobody knows, Spencer Reid's messenger bag, Swearing, Too much coffee, Yes I stole the no god idea from the simpsons, if you dont get it i know nothing about science, like a lot of swearing, whats in there??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-25 08:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15636873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primitivemorals/pseuds/primitivemorals
Summary: "oh, no" reid muttered."what's wrong, reid?" morgan asked, worried for his friend."i accidentally proved there is no god." reid whispered.





	for science! (and coffee)

**Author's Note:**

> i find the idea of spencer being a mad scientist hilarious, so here you go
> 
> lowercase intended for two reasons  
> 1- the aesthetic  
> 2- i'm lazy lmao

all is quiet in the bullpen of the fbi's fourth floor. that is, until spencer reid puts down the paper he was writing on.

"oh, no" reid muttered.

"what's wrong, reid?" morgan asked, worried for his friend.

"i don't think you want to know." reid said, staring at his paper covered in equations in equal parts wonder and horror.

"okay, now i'm definetely curious." morgan said, intrigued.

spencer swallowed and handed morgan the paper.

"what am i looking at here, reid." derek said flatly.

"i was working on a flat tax proposal, and-" reid cut off, words stuck in his throat.

morgan raised an eyebrow.

"and i accidentally proved there is no god." reid whispered.

morgan looked at the paper quizzically. he called over emily.

"hey, prentiss! come look at this!" emily looked up from her desk and walked over.

"can you make any sense of this?" morgan handed over the paper and emily stared at it.

"oh damn." she said.

morgan whipped his head to reid, who was still staring blankly at his desk.

spencer took back the paper and set it on fire with a lighter he pulled from his messenger bag.

he looked at the two of them. "we will never speak of this again." he said, very seriously.

derek and emily exchanged glances.

-

the topic came up again a few months later. the team was having dinner at rossi's after a fairly simple case.

they were all slightly tipsy and sharing funny stories with and about the rest of the team.

after garcia finished a story about hotch and multiple cactuses(don't ask), derek said to emily, "hey, prentiss, remember when reid proved there was no god?"

emily giggled and said, "yeah, i'm still having an existential crisis!"

the others looked on in confusion. "what are you guys talking about?" jj asked.

rossi glanced at spencer, who was looking very shifty all of a sudden.

morgan and emily were telling the story. "so, i'm working at my desk, right, when pretty boy over here just goes. . . 'oh, no.' and i'm like 'oh shit what happened' and he's like. . . 'morgan i just proved god doesn't exist' and he hands me this paper with some equations i can't read, so i call over prentiss."

emily picks up the story. "i come over, and look at the paper and i'm like.. 'holy fucking shit' and you know what spencer does?? he burns the damn page. he could have changed the world!" 

the room shifted to look at reid, who was staring at emily with an annoyed expression.

garcia breaks the stunned silence. "well i, for one, would like to see this equation. does anyone have paper?" hotch rifles through rossi's drawers and pulls out a piece of paper. he hands it to reid, who slides it over to himself and pulls out a pen.

it takes him all of thirty seconds to rewrite the potentially earth-shattering equation.

spencer wordlessly slides the paper to the middle of the table and the team gathers around it. 

"jesus fuck." rossi whispers. 

with this the room erupts. jj and garcia look beyond troubled. derek and emily are still on the edge of drunk and don't seem to care, and hotch is staring at spencer with awe. 

all eyes shift to reid as he once again pulls the paper from garcia's limp hands while pulling a lighter from his bag, which is next to him. he burns the paper again without hesitation.

reid stares at them. hotch breaks the silence with a story about his and rossi's first years as agents together.

spencer looks at him with relief and the topic is never brought up again.

**Author's Note:**

> okay, i know this isn't very science-y, but i find spencer finding out there's no god hilarious.
> 
> next chapter will have actual mad science, i promise.


End file.
